Adult Daycare: Dealing with Employees

Lord Buckley

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Got my letter from the Dutch authorities today, advising me that yes, they do agree with me that someone who has emigrated overseas without forwarding address, telephone number and who is not available for work, or to take part in the reintegration process cannot be considered as on the company payroll.

Interesting, two sets of lawyers our business one and the human resource specialist one, all pressured me to strike a deal as this would be a test case. Guess they just wanted to earn more fees in negotiating a deal.

Yet again, common sense prevails over the legal professionals.
 

Fwiffo

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There's someone in the next cubicle over talking on the telephone about getting counseling or something for their kid on anxiety or stress. Says their kid is prone to saying he is going to kill himself in front of his mother as some kind of psychological leverage. Do I really need to hear all of this conversation in the middle of the work day?
 

Fwiffo

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Global teleconference. I get on 5 minutes earlier. Attendance is taken before, at the start of the call and 7 minutes after the call starts. There are only 4 dial in numbers you can ring with one guest code and a host code that wasn't published to anyone except the host. Yet it still takes a good 15 minutes to get the call going. 15 minutes multiplied by how many executives and middle managers and account managers are on this call?
 

Monkeyface

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Global teleconference. I get on 5 minutes earlier. Attendance is taken before, at the start of the call and 7 minutes after the call starts. There are only 4 dial in numbers you can ring with one guest code and a host code that wasn't published to anyone except the host. Yet it still takes a good 15 minutes to get the call going. 15 minutes multiplied by how many executives and middle managers and account managers are on this call?
Why do you guys take attendance? Looks like kindergarten. We just have he call, if you weren't on there too bad for you, you better figure out what to do if it's relevant for you.
 

Fwiffo

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Why do you guys take attendance? Looks like kindergarten. We just have he call, if you weren't on there too bad for you, you better figure out what to do if it's relevant for you.
I don't take attendance. The vendor does. I reckon it's because they want to make sure their performance for each region is noted by some dignitary. The funny thing is this is the fourth quarterly call I've been to and they always have timing issues. You would think human beings would learn to book more time or shorten the agenda but I suppose some people just like to make more stress for themselves to make life interesting.
 

fxh

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Global teleconference. I get on 5 minutes earlier. Attendance is taken before, at the start of the call and 7 minutes after the call starts. There are only 4 dial in numbers you can ring with one guest code and a host code that wasn't published to anyone except the host. Yet it still takes a good 15 minutes to get the call going. 15 minutes multiplied by how many executives and middle managers and account managers are on this call?
Here's a radical suggestion:
  1. Start at agenda advertised time.
  2. Stick to agenda.
  3. Finish on time.
  4. Note non-attendance/apologies.
 

Lord Buckley

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Someone I know is currently trapped in one of these treaty type organisations over here, lots of dosh, but no real targets. They have several meetings a week and they never get through the agenda as the chairman is an idiot and cannot manage the meeting. Sadly, the golden handcuffs means they have to stay there forever.
 

Fwiffo

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Last week some preliminary statistics from our division's satisfaction survey came out. A good -10 to -15 to -20% rated the company poor in giving them feedback, performance review updates, knowing where they stand, and all of that. Are you #*$#ing kidding me - I'm spending 6 hours every week doing one on ones and for the past three weekends I've been collecting statistics and compiling mid term appraisals for my staff. Most of them walk in to the review not putting a single word into the HR system or spending any effort. All of them I've prodded choosing something for training and development and coming up with a plan that we can track the coaching.
 

Thruth

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Last week some preliminary statistics from our division's satisfaction survey came out. A good -10 to -15 to -20% rated the company poor in giving them feedback, performance review updates, knowing where they stand, and all of that. Are you #*$#ing kidding me - I'm spending 6 hours every week doing one on ones and for the past three weekends I've been collecting statistics and compiling mid term appraisals for my staff. Most of them walk in to the review not putting a single word into the HR system or spending any effort. All of them I've prodded choosing something for training and development and coming up with a plan that we can track the coaching.
C'mon Fwiffs. Employees always whine about not being informed. But what they really mean is they think that they should be part of the management of the operation.
 

Fwiffo

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C'mon Fwiffs. Employees always whine about not being informed. But what they really mean is they think that they should be part of the management of the operation.
Well maybe I didn't make it clear because I was a bit irate. From the past survey to now - which was a timespan of two years - I and other people managers were asked to make an effort to address this. And still the ratings went down -10% to -20%. Why bother trying - I ought to kick up my heels for the whole year and just toss the appraisal on the table and say take it or leave it.
 

Fwiffo

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Sadly I've heard all of those. I reckon the Indian man who just got off the boat asking Who just joined is the most annoying. Something with the pitch, tenor and the way they say those three words.
 

Fwiffo

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These conferences calls are they voice only or video too?
I loathe video calls. We have telepresence but it's a hassle to book it through our British Telecom software so I avoid it unless it's really necessary.

Otherwise I disabled the camera for Skype.
 

Fwiffo

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Yesterday I went to a 12pm career acceleration seminar. Human resources was introducing a new program where you have to get two executive sponsors then do some kind of exercise and you get to lead the initiative you propose. All of this would lead to gravy points when the next round of slots would open up.

I showed up a minute or two late (my direct's immediate family had a death so I was doing some consoling) so I took the seat that no one wanted - right in the centre and in the front of the room. It was full attendance from all sorts of folks - some individual contributors, an AVP, some mid level managers, so on and so forth. I sat next to this man who was in a short sleeve coloured dress shirt. No tie. He is busy using his own cutlery to chow down on some kebabs. It was so pungent it was nauseating. It didn't help he started pouring some off white sauce on it and it came with a Greek salad. It's a one hour session. Couldn't people for the sake of their own career potential avoid eating for one hour?! Otherwise why sign up for the lunch hour session? It was baffling.

In the latter half of said session, he is finally finished eating. The aroma lingers. He uses the paper napkins that came with his styrofoam box to wipe down his knife and fork. You have to picture this - some man wiping down a knife with a flimsy paper napkin in the middle of a session about career acceleration; the pinnacle of professionalism par excellence.
 

Lord Buckley

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These conferences calls are they voice only or video too?
Voice only, bloody awful.

I loathe video calls. We have telepresence but it's a hassle to book it through our British Telecom software so I avoid it unless it's really necessary.

Otherwise I disabled the camera for Skype.
If there's only two of you and the connection is good Skype is sufficient. But of course a lot of companies here in Europe, one's that should know better, don't allow Skype as the Americans might be listening in. Who cares?

Yesterday I went to a 12pm career acceleration seminar. Human resources was introducing a new program where you have to get two executive sponsors then do some kind of exercise and you get to lead the initiative you propose. All of this would lead to gravy points when the next round of slots would open up.

I showed up a minute or two late (my direct's immediate family had a death so I was doing some consoling) so I took the seat that no one wanted - right in the centre and in the front of the room. It was full attendance from all sorts of folks - some individual contributors, an AVP, some mid level managers, so on and so forth. I sat next to this man who was in a short sleeve coloured dress shirt. No tie. He is busy using his own cutlery to chow down on some kebabs. It was so pungent it was nauseating. It didn't help he started pouring some off white sauce on it and it came with a Greek salad. It's a one hour session. Couldn't people for the sake of their own career potential avoid eating for one hour?! Otherwise why sign up for the lunch hour session? It was baffling.

In the latter half of said session, he is finally finished eating. The aroma lingers. He uses the paper napkins that came with his styrofoam box to wipe down his knife and fork. You have to picture this - some man wiping down a knife with a flimsy paper napkin in the middle of a session about career acceleration; the pinnacle of professionalism par excellence.
Didn't the chair person intervene and tell him that eating a pungent kebab in a meeting is bad form? But then again, to avoid embarrassment and possible confrontation, just move him to the top of the list of those to be exposed and frog marched out of the building by security during the next round of redundancies.
 

Thruth

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Yesterday I went to a 12pm career acceleration seminar. Human resources was introducing a new program where you have to get two executive sponsors then do some kind of exercise and you get to lead the initiative you propose. All of this would lead to gravy points when the next round of slots would open up.

I showed up a minute or two late (my direct's immediate family had a death so I was doing some consoling) so I took the seat that no one wanted - right in the centre and in the front of the room. It was full attendance from all sorts of folks - some individual contributors, an AVP, some mid level managers, so on and so forth. I sat next to this man who was in a short sleeve coloured dress shirt. No tie. He is busy using his own cutlery to chow down on some kebabs. It was so pungent it was nauseating. It didn't help he started pouring some off white sauce on it and it came with a Greek salad. It's a one hour session. Couldn't people for the sake of their own career potential avoid eating for one hour?! Otherwise why sign up for the lunch hour session? It was baffling.

In the latter half of said session, he is finally finished eating. The aroma lingers. He uses the paper napkins that came with his styrofoam box to wipe down his knife and fork. You have to picture this - some man wiping down a knife with a flimsy paper napkin in the middle of a session about career acceleration; the pinnacle of professionalism par excellence.
Kebab odor vs stale booze smell. YMMV
 

Fwiffo

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I'll have you folks know between my morning shower, hair products (plural) and cologne I consistently violate my workplace's no scent policy.
 

Monkeyface

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Another organisation that is overly prescribing the work force. The type of place where they employ some IT deviant to spend his days watching what his fellow employees are looking at on the internet.
Still beats working at Amazon, where they track absolutely everything you do. Everything is put into performance metrics, all hail the robot manager!
 

prince nez

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I've seen all kind of issues over the years: from falsified credentials, scams of one sort or another, ex-Bangkok Hilton drug dealing inmates storming an oil company, men going down with nervous breakdowns, fighting the unions, getting done over, being told to leave the oil patch if I valued my life, having to leave a factory in the trunk of car as the local police arrived, a paedo with a get out of jail card, steady men becoming alcoholic wrecks in the space of a few weeks, getting caught in cross fire on the way to work, a boss asking if he could give me a blow job, men in their 50s and 60s leaving marriages for exotic dancers, executives being bribed with Porsches/drugs/hookers. It goes on and on!
Are you hiring and where do I submit my application?
 

Fwiffo

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Some wanker e-mails my team's distribution list on Thursday afternoon asking for ABC due to some compliance issue. Follows up again on Friday - I assume because it is hitting a shared mailbox and then forwarded automatically to the team with FW: and stuff in the header that it ended up on the bottom of everyone's list. It's a statutory holiday today and the bloke gets his boss to tell me at 0400 you must comply or I will escalate to the board.

Honestly sod off - you'd be crying to the worker's council if I started bothering your lot on Shrove Tuesday and giving ultimatums after 36 hours with no response.

I was e-mailing and calling for two weeks to someone across the pond trying to figure out which subsidiary financial sanctions was applied to after they gave me an Excel workbook to fill out with..you guessed it - less than a week's time.
 

Fwiffo

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This thread is about dealing with employees. You keep talking about you being dealt with. That's different.
No, I'm dumping this rubbish on my staff. I really don't have time for 4am escalations.

As far as I can tell, it's some contractor in Germany.
 

Pimpernel Smith

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You've got to laugh: whilst digging out some emails I came across some old correspondence on someone who had a total of 185 sick days during a 12 month period. The Work Reintegration Specialist was proposing the person come back to work so long as they could wear ear protection in the office to lesson the noise of the keyboards, telephone conversations and the photocopying machine.

This was at the time that person was running a prolific Facebook blog on walking their Great Dane, where to get the best spliff in the Netherlands and the best current country music from the USA.

You have to laugh, or you could start smashing things up and be found in the waste paper bin eating paper and dribbling from the mouth in a state of bewildered enchantment having completely lost your marbles.
 

fxh

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I have no interest in a stupid Great Dane but I would appreciate the blog address to find out the best spliff in Netherlands and accompanying great USA country music.

Thanks in anticipation.
 

Pimpernel Smith

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There's always one or two who get by on BS, hot air and fake credentials: very keen chap, worked for an associate a long time, big grandiose Mission Statement with his CV, graduated summa cum laude all of that stuff. And on asking for copies of his credentials and technical qualifications I get the whole dog ate my home work routine i.e. certificates stolen from his car and the college he went to has burnt down.

I suppose it makes a change from a first class honours degree from the notorious diploma mill that is the University of Canterbury (Seychelles).
 

fxh

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There's always one or two who get by on BS, hot air and fake credentials: very keen chap, worked for an associate a long time, big grandiose Mission Statement with his CV, graduated summa cum laude all of that stuff. And on asking for copies of his credentials and technical qualifications I get the whole dog ate my home work routine i.e. certificates stolen from his car and the college he went to has burnt down.

I suppose it makes a change from a first class honours degree from the notorious diploma mill that is the University of Canterbury (Seychelles).
If they are good at their work - do the credentials matter?
 

Dropbear

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I worked with an English guy who claimed his uni burnt down and he had no record of completing his degree. I was never aware of any other falsehoods, so I almost gave him the benefit of the doubt.
 

Fwiffo

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I worked with an English guy who claimed his uni burnt down and he had no record of completing his degree. I was never aware of any other falsehoods, so I almost gave him the benefit of the doubt.
My parents' neighbour said their son was studying at a community college campus affiliated with some pony uni miles away. The campus, after being open for a few years, closed down due to low attendance. I made a snide remark what kind of degree is this their son is pursuing that the entire campus shuts down. I don't remember Oxford, Cambridge or Harvard closing down.
 

Pimpernel Smith

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If they are good at their work - do the credentials matter?
Yes, in my game many of the technical qualifications are licenses to operate and can be authority approvals. Faked credentials cannot be tolerated.

I worked with an English guy who claimed his uni burnt down and he had no record of completing his degree. I was never aware of any other falsehoods, so I almost gave him the benefit of the doubt.
There's plenty of people who will chance it, but then what you are exposed to is the Dunning-Kruger effect and they can ravage a department or business before they are sussed out. If someone's willing to fake their credentials - at degree level or above - they're a con artist at best.

The best excuse our USA office came across was a chap who said he couldn't provide any of his qualifications as they were all earned whilst an undecover agent for the CIA.

My parents' neighbour said their son was studying at a community college campus affiliated with some pony uni miles away. The campus, after being open for a few years, closed down due to low attendance. I made a snide remark what kind of degree is this their son is pursuing that the entire campus shuts down. I don't remember Oxford, Cambridge or Harvard closing down.
With what is going on in Oxford as regards de-colonizing the syllabus, likely a technical apprenticeship or certificate from a local college will soon be considered of a higher academic standard and worth more in the job market.
 

Fwiffo

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I just got asked to follow up with the manager of someone who is contact with someone in another office because another someone in my office hired a consultant who wants to pick up a laptop in the other office and work in the other office for my office.
 
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