Family Weddings

Fwiffo

Fwiffo

Comes off as a condescending prick
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I have two weddings for first cousins this year and one for my immediate sibling next year.

As I'm on the younger end of the spectrum of a massive family tree on my mother's side, I frequently attend far more funerals than weddings. Perhaps people on this forum can help describe what "younger" people do these days.

One of the first cousins is having a wedding at a banquet hall in the suburbs - 5pm canapes, 6pm-9pm dinner. 9pm-12am whatever/I'm looking for Uber to get home.

He has asked for an "unplugged wedding" - no mobile devices or cameras. I plan to bring a full pack of cloves and claim medicinal smoke breaks so I can get out and post on DressedWell or something. Who does that for such a lengthy wedding? I may go into withdrawal. None of my immediate family are attending so I can smoke up a chimney.

I just received an e-mail that there will be a line dancing competition between the youth and the mature attendees. The competition will be recorded. There will be winners & losers. There are two YouTube videos where I am encouraged to practice. I hate dancing. I hate line dancing even more.

Even though I RSVP-ed saying I didn't have a partner, I get a follow up question, "Are you sure you don't have anyone to bring? We reserved two spaces for you." Shall I bring one of the harem over? (this could solve the problem above)

Why is it my cousin who is the groom consistently calling his wedding the Bsomeone and Ksomeone wedding. He's the man named Ksomeone. Shouldn't he be in the front? Is it customary to call it by alphabetical order now?
 
LelandJ said:
Stick to funerals.
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fxh said:
My detailed advice:Harden up Princess
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None of this advice is useful.

I found a wedding registry link for one of them. Is it up to me to balance out the purchase of items so they don't end up with a dozen soup bowls but no cutlery? I have a preset spending limit I want to reach so I was going to choose items that reach that numerical value.
 
I'm about two blocks away from the church and I decided to go to the office and sit here. I'm staring in the direction of the church. I know I have to get there but I need some time before dealing with 150-200 relatives.
 
Fwiffo said:
I'm about two blocks away from the church and I decided to go to the office and sit here. I'm staring in the direction of the church. I know I have to get there but I need some time before dealing with 150-200 relatives.
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A little liquid courage and a quick fap will get you there.
 
I've been dry for two days. Haven't smoked either.

But the boasts, "My son's a lawyer!" "My daughter is a doctor!" will drive me to it.

"My son works for Microsoft!" - that's not something to be proud of mate.
 
Fwiffo said:
I've been dry for two days. Haven't smoked either.

But the boasts, "My son's a lawyer!" "My daughter is a doctor!" will drive me to it.

"My son works for Microsoft!" - that's not something to be proud of mate.
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Tell them you've taken up a new career as a gigolo.
 
I think a dring king competition would be your strong point. Challenge them.

Or.
"I'm well known on this menswear forum" I'll bet none of them are
 
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I only got to speak to my cousin during one of the brief photography sessions. She turned back and remarked I was dapper. Then the photographer told us to move closer to fit in the frame and she screamed, "Get underneath my dress" and I replied, "Really? Me? First night?"

I was called a smart aleck - whatever the spelling is.
 
This wedding is turning out to be a shambles. She comes over for the toast and says, "I see YOU are taking advantage of the open bar."

Am I going to the wedding of an ex wife or girlfriend?!
 
Fwiffo said:
This wedding is turning out to be a shambles. She comes over for the toast and says, "I see YOU are taking advantage of the open bar."

Am I going to the wedding of an ex wife or girlfriend?!
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Have you done the Funky Chicken yet?
 
Rambo said:
Have you done the Funky Chicken yet?
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No, but she didn't complain when we did multiple $400 tasting menus when she moved here. All the hot restaurants, we were there.

I never treated her poorly. But all I get is sarcasm.
 
One of my mates suggested I bring a cowboy hat to my cousin's wedding this weekend as there will be a reality show like dance off on various line or country dances.

Is it not against sartorial law to wear a cowboy hat in an evening wedding indoors?
 
Fwiffo said:
One of my mates suggested I bring a cowboy hat to my cousin's wedding this weekend as there will be a reality show like dance off on various line or country dances.

Is it not against sartorial law to wear a cowboy hat in an evening wedding indoors?
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The fact that there is a line dancing competition negates all sartorial rules, rule of Law, word of God, Allah and the teachings of every extinct deity outlined in The Treatise of the Gods.
 
There are two dances to be learnt. It's so complicated there are four bullet points with significant pieces of text describing which leg you must kick, what you must do with your arms, etc. I made a solution to all of this. I'm going to quit the wedding early and go out with a female friend. Now if only the female friend will come pick me up from the banquet hall.
 
Weddings are getting weirder. A line dancing competition? Wtf is that doing at a wedding .

Is ita Canadian thing? Is it a Catholic or protestant thing? Or a young people thing. Do you people even do line dancing. I'm so confused this modern globalised world is too much for me.
 
We are only Christian to get the ministerial services. I doubt anyone is devout or even baptised.

My father's family have been from town forever. My mother's family were farmers until two generations ago when they sold it.

It was either this or some other music video which looked populated 100% with African Americans. And Louis Armstrong or Al Green weren't among them.

Losers get shouted off. I blame reality television for corrupting the youth.
 
How did a bachelor like me end up at the kids table?!

Another perk - my niece is hitting on me at the table. Her mother could be my teenaged babysitter when I was a toddler.
 
I went to a wedding last weekend that was lovely. Granted it wasn't a family wedding. Very elegant. At the Tuxedo Club. In Tuxedo Park, which is America's first gated community and also where the DINNERSUIT/SMOKINGJACKET got renamed by clever American businessmen. Swank. On a lake. At sunset. A band and not a dj. Every male guest was wearing a jacket, 90% suits.
 
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It was a ten course dinner and before I stuffed an abalone in my mouth on course three, I dashed for the livery service I ordered. He picked up my lady friend and we went off to the speakeasy. A fun time was had by all and I checked in on facebook. Of the eight people I have on facebook, my other cousin, the previous wedding recipient of my generosity, then said, "'Hey you aren't even at your dinner table."
 
colco said:
I went to a wedding last weekend that was lovely. Granted it wasn't a family wedding. Very elegant. At the Tuxedo Club. In Tuxedo Park, which is America's first gated community. The birthplace of the tuxedo (please visit my thread). Swank. On a lake. At sunset. A band and not a dj. Every male guest was wearing a jacket, 90% suits.
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Bullshit. A tuxedo is just a dinner suit. It merely got introduced after having been popular in the civilised world for a couple of years. It's still referred to as a dinner suit/dinner jacket around here.

The town looks lovely though. Reminds me a bit of were I grew up, except no hills.
 
But it is called the tuxedo because of Tuxedo Park. And no one, around here, calls them dinner suits.
 
colco said:
But it is called the tuxedo because of Tuxedo Park. And no one, around here, calls them dinner suits.
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his point is that the park is not the birthplace of the fkn garment. it is a dinner suit which was brought to the land of the free by some emerekens that visited the civilized world and then it was named tuxedo (amongst emerekens) after being worn there. it wasnt born there kojak. the park merely lent its name to an already existing garment when it was introduced in emerekah
 
incorrect. you fucking communist old wolrd assholes were wearing frock coats and other similar bullshit. those were brought here and made good. and renamed and claimed as ours.
 
By the way this fine debate should be continued in my evening wear thread. conshita, do you own a tuxedo/dinner suit?
 
colco said:
By the way this fine debate should be continued in my evening wear thread. conshita, do you own a tuxedo/dinner suit?
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please refer to it as a smoking. that is the proper term used in germany and the netherlands

sure i own a smoking, morning suit and tails. considering getting new bespoke smoking made this winter
 
colco said:
incorrect. you fucking communist old wolrd assholes were wearing frock coats and other similar bullshit. those were brought here and made good. and renamed and claimed as ours.
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please kojak do some better research
 
so we've got a brit who insists it be called a dinner suit. and a genuine kaaskop/kraut insisting it be called a smoking jacket. and an americain who calls it a tuxedo

you can call it whatever you like. for me (and 300,000,000 other people) a tuxedo is what monkeyface calls a dinner suit and you call a smoking jacket.
a smoking jacket is not a tuxedo or dinner suit, though it is worn at night.

if it has matching pants why just call it a smoking jacket and not a smoking suit?
 
ConchitaWurst said:
please kojak do some better research
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i can't help it all my research is American based and thus biased. Please share with me some unbiased Euro research that contradicts what I see and of course claims the Tuxedo as a Euro invention
 
Next thing you guys are going to tell me is that Europeans invented the wingtip shoe, Docker pants, blazers and Oxford cloth buttondown shirts.

GET YUR OWN SHIT
 
colco said:
i can't help it all my research is American based and thus biased. Please share with me some unbiased Euro research that contradicts what I see and of course claims the Tuxedo as a Euro invention
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Seriously, a 5 sec Google will tell you that's it's a European invention based on many different sources.
 
colco said:
so we've got a brit who insists it be called a dinner suit. and a genuine kaaskop/kraut insisting it be called a smoking jacket. and an americain who calls it a tuxedo

you can call it whatever you like. for me (and 300,000,000 other people) a tuxedo is what monkeyface calls a dinner suit and you call a smoking jacket.
a smoking jacket is not a tuxedo or dinner suit, though it is worn at night.

if it has matching pants why just call it a smoking jacket and not a smoking suit?
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you ever looked at the other 300 million obese trailer trash countrymen? we couldnt care less what these they call it

it isnt the jacket that we call a smoking on this part of the continent. it us the whole suit you stupid. read my posts slowely.
 
The thread is about weddings. I happened to have gone to a wedding in a place that, in this country, the dinner suit is named after. and thought I'd share that. I make no claim to the provenenace of the dinner suit/smoking jacket/tuxedo/whateveryouwishtocallit being American or European of anything else.
Now both of you, lighten the fuck up. Hopefully you can see the humor in my posts, or did we Americans steal that from you sophisticated Euros as well?
 
colco said:
I make no claim to the provenenace of the dinner suit/smoking jacket/tuxedo/whateveryouwishtocallit
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colco said:
Tuxedo Park, which is America's first gated community. The birthplace of the tuxedo
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colco said:
incorrect. you fucking communist old wolrd assholes were wearing frock coats and other similar bullshit. those were brought here and made good. and renamed and claimed as ours.
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maybe its the language barrier
 
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Thank you for your apology. I await the same from Monkeyface.
sj.webp
 
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