If you click on this thread you're going to see a carnivorous, vampire-fanged deer. Weird animals.

[hossoso]

I fuckin' told you, man. These nasty little bitches live in China, that's on the other side of the planet from where normal white people like us all live. Fangs. Some of them have horns. They eat carrion, that's fuckin' dead bodies. Scientists and pussies call them the 'tufted deer' but I call bullshit on that. That's a goddamned vampire deer and everybody knows it.

Now, a guy like me sees pictures of a lot of weird animals on the internet.. you know like goblin sharks, deep-sea hatchet fish, an aye-aye once, a sheep with two heads that don't like each other but there has got to be more.

Please post pictures of animals you are certain were the product of a bad acid trip.

:fuckyou:

 

[hossoso]

This is the 'Northern Stargazer':

Fuck you, Northern Stargazer!

I don't know much about you but I can tell enough from just these two pictures -- you and me are never going to be cool with each other, not in a million years.

 

[hossoso]

This is a Dragonfish:

It has teeth on its tongue.

The ocean is so much worse than land.

 

[hossoso]

These are babirusas:

They are my kind of weird. If I didn't have dogs, I would want about 7 of these.

 

[Zé Ferreira]

Oceans are scary places. No joke.

 

[Russell Street]

...China, that's on the other side of the planet from where normal white people like us all live.

Wow, this is not SF!
The claim is that this is just a hairless squirrel. If that's true, the bitches look better with fur.

 

[ETF]

This is Barry the giant sea worm. No really, Barry.

He was four feet long and can cause permanent numbness in humans if he bites you. During attempts to capture him, he destroyed several traps, ate and digested numerous fish hooks, and bit through a 20lb fishing line. The aquarium tank he was living in eventually had to be taken apart bit by bit to catch him.

I actually have a lot of time for Barry.

 

[hossoso]

This is Barry the giant sea worm. No really, Barry.

He was four feet long and can cause permanent numbness in humans if he bites you. During attempts to capture him, he destroyed several traps, ate and digested numerous fish hooks, and bit through a 20lb fishing line. The aquarium tank he was living in eventually had to be taken apart bit by bit to catch him.

I actually have a lot of time for Barry.

Oof... there is no God.



.

 

[hossoso]

Oh, that? It's a Japanese Giant Hornet. The good news is that it doesn't sting you.

It just sprays an acidic poison that will melt your body, and you should probably know that said horrifying elixir of flesh liquefying cooze is full of pheromones that will summon any other Japanese Giant Hornet in the area to come and help turn you into a puddle of meat.

 

[OfficePants]

Pink Fairy Armadillo

 

[OfficePants]

The Maned Wolf

 

[hossoso]

Pink Fairy Armadillo

Let me get this straight. It's cute as fuck, has massive claws and swims through sand like water?

That is 10 pounds of awesome in a 9 pound bag right there, buddy. I've only been witness to a few things in my life that are way over-qualified to exist on this planet.. the pink fairy armadillo is one of those things.

:tipmycap:

 

[hossoso]

@ OfficePants,

I like the way you post strange animals, I think you've got a real eye for it. That's a valuable life skill to have in your back pocket.

Could you please include some information about the animals so I don't have to google them all, though?

 

[OfficePants]

@ OfficePants,

I like the way you post strange animals, I think you've got a real eye for it. That's a valuable life skill to have in your back pocket.

Could you please include some information about the animals so I don't have to google them all, though?

But of course...

The Maned Wolf, unlike other canines, does not form packs. It looks like a fox but is unrelated. In Brazil, it was historically hunted for the eyes, which were considered good luck charms.

 

[OfficePants]

The Yeti Crab

This crab “farms” a colony of bacteria on its claws. To help the bacteria grow, it waves its pincers over methane and sulfide vents, fertilizing the bacteria and then eating them. Pretty brilliant.

 

[Betelgeuse]

Oceans are scary places. No joke.

Not only the ocean... the microscopic world is scary sometimes...

Explanation: Is this an alien? Probably not, but of all the animals on Earth, the tardigrade might be the best candidate. That's because tardigrades are known to be able to go for decades without food or water, to survive temperatures from near absolute zero to well above the boiling point of water, to survive pressures from near zero to well above that on ocean floors, and to survive direct exposure to dangerous radiations. The far-ranging survivability of these extremophiles was tested in 2011 outside an orbiting space shuttle. Tardigrades are so durable partly because they can repair their own DNA and reduce their body water content to a few percent. Some of these miniature water-bears almost became extraterrestrials recently when they were launched toward to the Martian moon Phobos on board the Russian mission Fobos-Grunt, but stayed terrestrial when a rocket failed and the capsule remained in Earth orbit. Tardigrades are more common than humans across most of the Earth. Pictured above in a color-enhanced electron micrograph, a millimeter-long tardigrade crawls on moss.

 

[hossoso]

This is a Gerenuk:

It is a type of antelope that lives in Africa, better known as the Dark Continent.

Once one of them was eating some shitty grass when he saw a giraffe eating leaves from a tree and was like "Fuck it, I'm just going to do that."

Now Gerenuks all have freakishly long legs and necks and they don't have to eat off the floor anymore.

There were no Gerenuks featured in 'The Lion King' because they didn't think it accurately portrayed the realities of life on the savannah and would never sell their souls to the Disney Corporation anyway.

 

[hossoso]

The Sea Pig:

It lives in the ocean but it can't swim so... it just walks. Whatever.

 

[hossoso]

This is a Blobfish:

It is probably the Sea Pig's best friend.

It is very slow, rarely expending any effort to swim. It also tastes like shit. It is nearing extinction due to commercial fishing by-catch. So they're too disgusting to catch on purpose but too slow to not get caught by accident.

Is anyone else surprised that these aren't an Asian delicacy?

I guess I don't really care if it becomes extinct.

 

[OfficePants]

Those last 2 deserve to be extinct.

Lets get back to some fuzzy cuties.

Desert rodent. They run like mini kangaroos and can reach speeds of up to 15mph when they are chased by predators in a side to side in a zig-zag pattern.

 

[Betelgeuse]

This is a Gerenuk:

It is a type of antelope that lives in Africa, better known as the Dark Continent.

Once one of them was eating some shitty grass when he saw a giraffe eating leaves from a tree and was like "Fuck it, I'm just going to do that."

Now Gerenuks all have freakishly long legs and necks and they don't have to eat off the floor anymore.

There were no Gerenuks featured in 'The Lion King' because they didn't think it accurately portrayed the realities of life on the savannah and would never sell their souls to the Disney Corporation anyway.

I was watching a program the other day on BBC, I think, about grass and how it might affected to us.

And there was something that caught my attention. The host was with a woman that is doing a lot of research in a certain type of monkeys or chimps don't remember the name very well, that live in a region of Africa that have particularly very tall grass and other stuff that force this monkeys (or chimps) to start developing tools and using them to get their food. But the special part is a video in which because of the tall grass one of them stands up, to see above the grass level.

Doesn't sound like much, but she says that maybe that could be one of the reasons we are like this today, that maybe one monkey (or chimp) stand up and start walking like it because he might find this new way easier and then the rest as they say is history. Pretty cool if you ask me. Would be interesting to see in a few (maybe million) years how this antilopes evolve.

 

[hossoso]

The Star-nosed mole lives in eastern Canada, north-eastern U.S., and nightmares.

It is an expert swimmer and tunneler. This gives them the versatility to have egress points below the water line.

Can you imagine Ryan Seacrest holding a gun to your head and forcing you to massage all of the little tentacle things around its mouth until either the Star-nosed mole or Ryan Seacrest fell asleep?

Ryan Seacrest is a malicious cunt and Star-nosed moles freak me right the fuck out.

Two thumbs down, everybody. I don't like it.

 

[hossoso]

Tube-nosed bats live in the Philippines. The have protruding tubes for nostrils and look like they would be great psychologists. Like they would be great listeners and not judgmental at all, understanding exactly where you're coming from but tactfully reminding you how your actions could have been misinterpreted by others. They subsist on a diet of fruit and are all like, 'can I pick you up anything while I'm out?'

If you were ever in a bad mood and lashed-out at a Tube-nosed bat and said "what the fuck is up with your nose, anyway? It creeps me out!" He'd just say, "Look, I know some people are hung up on looks, I'm just not. So I'm not conventionally attractive but... I can smell things 76 miles away. I'm happy with who I am, you should be too."

 

[hossoso]

The Goblin shark is a bit of a problem for me.

I suggest we just poison all the oceans.

 

[Zé Ferreira]

This thread has so much win going for it.

 

[Grand Potentate]

That goblin shark is creepy as fuck

 

[Zé Ferreira]

Scarier than this sucker? Holy crap, it's straight out of a nightmare.

 

[hossoso]

Aaahhhahahaha... okay, okay. Vampire Squid?

Q: What do you know about it?

A: Nothing concrete.

Q: That's your answer? Nothing concrete?

Q: You're not even sure it's actually a squid?

Fuck that thing.

Fuck that thing forever.

 

[Betelgeuse]

Fuck that thing.

Fuck that thing forever.

This, no better expression for that thing.

 

[hossoso]

Have you guys ever listened to the album that Guns N' Roses put out after "Appetite for Destruction"? It was an acoustic record called "G.n'.R. Lies".

That guy above is the Australian Thorny Devil... kind of reminds me of early Guns N' Roses.

 

[Allez Allez]

Capybara -- the world's largest rodent.

 

[OfficePants]

Tube-nosed bats live in the Philippines. The have protruding tubes for nostrils and look like they would be great psychologists. Like they would be great listeners and not judgmental at all, understanding exactly where you're coming from but tactfully reminding you how your actions could have been misinterpreted by others. They subsist on a diet of fruit and are all like, 'can I pick you up anything while I'm out?'

If you were ever in a bad mood and lashed-out at a Tube-nosed bat and said "what the fuck is up with your nose, anyway? It creeps me out!" He'd just say, "Look, I know some people are hung up on looks, I'm just not. So I'm not conventionally attractive but... I can smell things 76 miles away. I'm happy with who I am, you should be too."

Pure evil.

 

[hossoso]

Pure evil.

You're unreasonable.

 

[OfficePants]

You're unreasonable.

You don't reason with evil.


Here is one...

The Birdmanicus Minimus Penoricus

Noted for its colorful plumage and gravity defying mane.

 

[hossoso]

The Aye-Aye. It's like somebody fed a Koala Bear after midnight and this was the result.

I want several of these loose in my home

 

[hossoso]

A mammal that lays eggs, has a duck's bill, a beaver's tail and an otter's feet. It's like you can't not want to cuddle with this little fucking abomination.

So you light a fire, get some dark chocolate, wine and a good book... yeah, you're about to snuggle with a platypus. And then BAM! you just got stuck with the venomous spur in it's back foot and you're lying face down in shit and agony . That adorable little asshole didn't even turn into a Gremlin to let you know he was evil first!

 

[Jan Libourel]

I fuckin' told you, man. These nasty little bitches live in China, that's on the other side of the planet from where normal white people like us all live. Fangs. Some of them have horns. They eat carrion, that's fuckin' dead bodies. Scientists and pussies call them the 'tufted deer' but I call bullshit on that. That's a goddamned vampire deer and everybody knows it.

Now, a guy like me sees pictures of a lot of weird animals on the internet.. you know like goblin sharks, deep-sea hatchet fish, an aye-aye once, a sheep with two heads that don't like each other but there has got to be more.

Please post pictures of animals you are certain were the product of a bad acid trip.

:fuckyou:

Fanged deer are pretty common in Asia--including the various species of muntjacs, musk deer and the tufted deer shown. According to the information I could find, these tufted deer do not eat carrion but can either browse on foliage or graze on grass. According to most mammalogists, the carnivores and ungulates actually hark back to a common root stock early in the Cenozoic. I wonder if these fanged deer are an echo of this surprising kinship.

 

[Allez Allez]

Please consider this happy fellow, the Frilled Shark, an ancient "living fossil" species according to the Guardian.

 

[OfficePants]

^ That's dinner right there.


How about the Satanic Leaf Tailed Gecko. Only found in Madagascar. Oh, the tail looks like a leaf, that's why its called Leaf Tailed.

 

[Grand Potentate]

nothing will ever be safe ever again