Reason # 9247 Why Florida Is #1

Rambo

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Our pan handlers are more honest than yours:

http://gawker.com/honest-florida-panhandler-needs-help-buying-bigger-bo-1107750610

'Honest' Florida Panhandler Needs Help Buying Bigger Boobs
Many panhandlers try the honesty approach when it comes to asking passers-by for spare change, but Florida panhandler Christina Andrews is hoping she'll stand out by taking honesty to the next level: TMI.

"I just want bigger boobs, because I'm not happy with the ones that I have," the Pensacola native told WEAR. "I figured this was a good way to do it. People put out signs that they’re homeless. I'm not...I’m just being honest."

Andrew's stunt appears to have paid off.

"I thought people would just laugh and keep riding, but they're like hey, here's some money," she told the ABC affiliate.

Even if she hadn't raised a cent, Andrews says at least she was able to raise lots of smiles.
 

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Disney World is an avenue into hell, and our buildings pave the way:
http://gawker.com/disney-world-resort-swallowed-into-60-foot-sinkhole-maw-1106989228
Resort Near Disney World Swallowed into 60-Foot Sinkhole Maw
A resort building ten minutes from Disney World collapsed and another sank into the ground as a 60-foot wide sinkhole opened underneath early this morning.

There are no reports of injuries and all guests are accounted for, though dozens had to be evacuated:

Guests at the Summer Bay Resort, about 10 minutes from Walt Disney World, called for help, saying they heard loud noises and windows cracking. The estimated 35 people inside the buildings were evacuated.

Two three-story buildings are affected by the 15-foot deep crater, Lake County Fire Rescue Battalion Chief Tony Cuellar said. Rooms as high as the third floor of one building collapsed into the sinkhole, which kept growing Monday morning.
 

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/13/gun-in-purse-starbucks_n_3268652.html

Woman In Starbucks Drops Purse With Forgotten Gun Inside, Shoots Friend In The Leg: St. Pete Police
Posted: 05/13/2013 5:28 pm EDT

A Florida woman accidentally shot her friend in the leg while waiting in line at a Starbucks on Saturday.

Police say Pamela Beck and Amie Peterson were getting coffee at the Tyrone Square Mall in St. Petersburg when Beck moved to set her bags down in order to pay for her drink.

Her purse "hit the ground hard," St. Petersburg Police spokesman Mike Puetz told The Huffington Post, and a fully loaded .25 caliber semi-automatic handgun that was in the bottom of the handbag fired, striking Peterson above the knee.

Beck told investigators that her father had given her the gun about a year ago, and she hadn't intended to bring it out in public. "She had forgotten about it," Puetz said.

Beck does not have a concealed carry weapons permit, according to police, and the case has been referred to prosecutors.

Peterson was treated and released at a nearby trauma center.
 

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http://gawker.com/florida-man-literally-arrested-for-walking-while-black-1303208765
http://gawker.com/florida-man-literally-arrested-for-walking-while-black-1303208765
Florida Man Literally Arrested for Walking While Black

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A black Jacksonville, Florida man is suing the local police department after he was reportedly punched in the face, Tasered, and arrested — all for "walking on the wrong side of the road."

Bobby Wingate was walking to an appointment along Oliver Street in the neighborhood of Arlington when a JSO Police Officer pulled up and asked him to stop.

Wingate explained that he was running late, prompting the officer to cite him for "walking on the wrong side of the road."

Court papers show that the officer then punched Wingate in the face and "engaged his Taser."

Fearing for his safety, Wingate phoned 911 for help, and explained his situation to the dispatcher.

"The conduct that is outlined in the transcript and the 9-1-1 call is not only breathtaking, it's outrageous, it's disgraceful," Wingate's lawyer, Andrew Bonderud, told First Coast News.

Bonderud believes Wingate was a victim of racial discrimination, and his claim is buttressed by the fact that, during Wingate's trial, the officer said he "wasn't sure what side of the road Wingate was on."

The judge subsequently ruled that the evidence didn't support the case against Wingate and dropped all charges.

The police did not launch an internal investigation into the officer's conduct and he remains on the job.

In addition to money, Wingate is also seeking an apology from the department.

However, he insists that his beef isn't with the officer who arrested him. "If I ever see him again, and he needs my help for something, I'll help him," Wingate said.
 

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http://gawker.com/florida-is-being-overrun-by-herpes-infected-monkeys-1314707516

Florida is Being Overrun By Herpes-Infected Monkeys

A colony of Herpes-infected Rhesus monkeys, flinging their feces and viral loads through Florida, now pose an official public health threat to the Sunshine State.

Like a Jurassic-Park-with-Herpes sequel, three pairs of the monkeys were first brought to Silver River State Park in the 1930s, where the population quickly multiplied into the thousands.

But at the time, the monkeys were trapped on an island, content to contract and spread their monkey Herpes in isolation.

Now, the monkeys have taught themselves to swim and authorities have spotted them hundreds of miles away near Jacksonville, threatening the health of nearby non-monkey-Herpes-infected human communities.

Monkeys usually experience no symptoms from the viral strain, Herpes B, which can cause increased sensitivity to stimulation, muscle control issues, double vision, agitation, ascending flaccid paralysis, and death in humans.
 

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God Florida is fucked up.

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/os-oviedo-mother-child-sex-husband-trial-20130911,0,5658037.story

Mom, dad planned child sex abuse before kids were born

Jonathan Adleta, a former Marine officer, dreamed of the day he could have "daddy-daughter sex." After Sarah Adleta became pregnant with a daughter, he said he would marry her only if she agreed to let him carry out that desire. When the couple had a son, Sarah Adleta was expected to have sexual encounters with him.
 

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http://gawker.com/man-arrested-for-performing-exorcism-on-80-year-old-gir-1346363502

Man Arrested For Performing Exorcism on 80-Year-Old Girlfriend
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David Edward Benes, 54, of Holiday, Florida was arrested Tuesday after imprisoning his 80-year-old girlfriend and attempting to perform a two-day exorcism on her. The couple had been living together for three years.

The alleged exorcism began on Monday when Benes held down his girlfriend and tried “to get the devil out of her.” He then took the batteries out of her phone to keep her from calling for help. After, he took her car keys and “dismantled” the garage to prevent it from opening. Then, somehow, the victim fell asleep.

When she woke the next morning, the alleged exorcism began again and when the authorities arrived (the woman somehow managed to call 911) , they found the bruised and scratched woman sitting outside the home crying. Benes was on the couch and “too drunk to remember what happened.” He then told the officers his girlfriend started the fight because “she is crazy.”

He was arrested on charges of battery on a person 65 years or older and false imprisonment and remains in county jail.
 

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http://gawker.com/mentally-challeng...=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+gawker/full+(Gawker)
Mentally Challenged Man Kicked, Punched for His New GTA V Game

Sigh. Rohan Dawkins, 21, of Delray Beach, Florida went to a GameStop store on Tuesday to pick up his copy of Grand Theft Auto V. Dawkins, who attends a special needs transitional program for adults during the week, had been saving money from his weekend job at Home Depot to purchase the game. Over the past several weeks, he’d been regularly stopping by the store to pay for it in $10 to $20 installments.

But when he finally walked out the store with the game, a married couple pulled up in a car and asked Dawkins for the time. The man then grabbed the game from Dawkins’ hand and got back into his car but Dawkins opened the car door trying to get it back. The women then began to kick and punch Dawkins before they drove off in the car with the game.

The couple, Tommy Davis, 27, and Adele Jones, 26, were identified from surveillance footage and arrested on Thursday, charged with strong-armed robbery and dealing in stolen property. But by the time they were arrested, they could not return the game to Dawkins as they had already sold it for $60.

Dawkins still doesn't have a copy of the game.
 

Rambo

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Got stuck in this shit earlier today

http://gawker.com/florida-man-causes-fatal-crash-trying-to-rescue-cat-fro-1378974309

The Florida Highway Patrol says a motorist who stopped his car to rescue a cat that he spotted on Florida's Turnpike ended up causing a crash that killed an elderly Boynton Beach woman and backed up rush-hour traffic for miles.

According to the FHP's report, Michael James Schneider, 35, of Tequesta, was driving through Deerfield Beach when he saw the cat running across the road and pulled over.

"[He] walked into the center lane, was hit by a vehicle," said Sgt. Mark Wysocky. "That vehicle then veered to the right with the [man] riding on the hood, ran off the road and hit the [man's] pickup truck, hit the guardrail and ejected the [man] off the hood of the car into the grass shoulder."

Emergency crews managed to pull 75-year-old Mary Jane S. Alston out of her Honda Accord alive, but she was later pronounced dead at Broward Health North Medical Center.

Schneider was also rushed to the same medical center, where he remains in critical condition.

The crash forced the FHP to close all northbound lanes and divert traffic at Sample Road, causing gridlock that stretched back over five miles toward Atlantic Boulevard.

As for the cat, Wysocky told the Sun-Sentinel that it too perished in the crash.
 

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http://gawker.com/florida-woman-stabs-boyfriend-in-the-eye-for-turning-do-1443119495

Florida Woman Stabs Boyfriend In the Eye for Turning Down Threesome
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Authorities in Florida arrested a Vero Beach woman last month after she allegedly stabbed her boyfriend in the eye for refusing her request to participate in a threesome with another woman.

Indian River County Sheriff's investigators say a drunk La Crystal King-Woolfork, 28, approached her sleeping beau around 4 a.m. on September 26th, and asked him to have sex.

When he rejected her advances, she reportedly retrieved a knife and stabbed him in the left eye.

For her part, King-Woolfork told investigators she returned home from the Shake Your Booty club with an unidentified friend, and the two entered her boyfriend's room together.

"(King-Woolfork) further stated that she and another female entered the bedroom where (the boyfriend) was sleeping and started performing oral sex on one another while (the boyfriend) watched," reads the arrest affidavit.

King-Woolfork asked her boyfriend to join in, but he turned her down, at which point the other woman left the room.

King-Woolfork says she picked up a knife and brandished it in front of her boyfriend, prompting a struggle.

This is where the two testimonies diverge: According to King-Woolfork, she was "stomped on her head" by her boyfriend several times, forcing her to break her cell phone over his head and then hit him in the face with a metal candle holder.

She denies stabbing the man, but investigators say a stab wound was clearly present among other wounds.

King-Woolfork was subsequently booked on a charge of attempted murder.
 

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http://gawker.com/florida-man-sets-himself-on-fire-while-trying-to-burn-a-1447008997

Florida Man Sets Himself on Fire While Trying to Burn a Cross

A Florida man attempting to burn a cross as part of an ill-conceived "prank" suffered severe injuries after accidentally setting himself on fire in the process.

Palm Bay authorities believe the room in which Ron Nielson, 50, and his wife were putting together what they called a "Halloween prank" was not properly ventilated, causing vapors from the gasoline he was pouring on the wooden cross to ignite.

Neighbor Brenda Lister told the Associated Press she heard an explosion and found Nielson in a ditch covered in burns.

"He was conscious and alert but he had second-degree burns over 40 to 50 percent of his body, including his chest, arms, upper torso," a Palm Bay Police Department spokeswoman told Florida Today.

Police say alcohol played a role in the incident.
 

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http://gawker.com/florida-murderers-escaped-for-the-weekend-by-forging-re-1448711339

Two Florida Murderers Escaped from Prison By Forging Release Papers

This week Florida prison authorities accidentally released and paid for bus tickets for two convicted murderers who were supposed to be serving life sentences without possibility of parole.

The convicts managed to submit forged release documents to the Department of Corrections and even registered as felons with the state, as required by Florida law, before fleeing to a Panama City motel.

As a manhunt heated up in Florida this weekend, a "close associate" told police that Charles Walker and Joseph Jenkins, both 34, were hiding out at the Coconut Grove Motor Inn in Panama City. Yesterday, police found them there, unarmed, and took them both back into custody.

Jenkins, convicted of first-degree murder in 1998, was released from the Franklin Correctional Institution in Carabelle on Sept. 27. Walker, convicted of second-degree murder in 1999, was released from the same prison on Oct. 8.

Florida officials only became aware of the mens' release when Walker's victim's mother received a letter from the Department of Corrections notifying her of Walker's release, a standard component of the prisoner release process.

"Please be aware that recent actions causing the release of this offender are beyond our control. Nevertheless, we apologize for the delay in this message," part of the letter said.

The mother notified the state attorney's office on Tuesday, sparking the manhunt.

The men were hiding out at the Panama City motel waiting for a "transport" to another location, possibly Alabama.

In the meantime, investigators are working on a statewide review of release orders to determine if other felons have forged the documents. Apparently Jenkins had tried the scheme once before in 2011, but his forged document got flagged. The Florida Department of Law Enforcement Commissioner said yesterday that the men may have paid as much as $8,000 each for the fake papers.
 

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http://www.washingtonpost.com/natio...d3db0c-3a42-11e3-b0e7-716179a2c2c7_story.html
6-foot gator makes unwelcome appearance at front door of Florida Wal-Mart

By Associated Press, Updated: Monday, October 21, 12:12 PM
APOPKA, Fla. — A 6-foot alligator made an unwelcome appearance at the front door of a central Florida Wal-Mart.

The incident happened Sunday morning in Apopka, outside Orlando. The gator stopped in the entryway, causing the automatic doors to open and close until employees locked them.


Orlando television station WKMG (http://hrld.us/1b5psYE) reports Apopka police officers tried to lure the gator away as customers gathered to watch and take pictures.

The gator took off toward the nearby woods. Officers searched the area but couldn’t find it.

No one was injured.
 

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Only in FL

http://gawker.com/florida-woman-hit-by-bullet-after-neighbor-shoots-himse-1450108072

Florida Woman Hit by Bullet After Neighbor Shoots Himself in the Head

Jeane Sams stepped out of her cousin's apartment last Wednesday to make a phone call when she was suddenly felt a sharp pain above her right knee and looked down to see blood gushing out.

She hurried back inside where her cousin, Yvonne Diaz, and Diaz's fiancee Brandon Parker put pressure on the wound and phoned 911.

When deputies first arrived at the New America complex, they immediately suspected Parker had shot Sams.

According to Parker, the cops "yanked him out of his apartment and shoved him up against a car."

But after multiple rounds of questioning, the real culprit was discovered: Their neighbor, Michael Bruty.

The Pasco County Sheriff's Office said Bruty, 28, had been arguing loudly with his girlfriend earlier that night, and eventually threatened to kill himself.

Despite pleas from his partner to put his gun down, Bruty lifted the weapon to his head and fired once.

He was pronounced dead at the scene.

Sams was rushed to a nearby hospital, but was well enough to be released the following day.

Deputies remain puzzled by the bullet's trajectory, noting that two parked cars were situated between Bruty's apartment and Sams position at the time of the incident.
 

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http://articles.sun-sentinel.com/20...1224_1_molotov-cocktails-bar-owner-police-car

Man kicked out of Davie bar returns with Molotov cocktails, police say
(Broward Sheriff's Office )
December 24, 2013|By Erika Pesantes, Sun Sentinel
Angered after being given the boot from a Davie bar, a man came back to the establishment with Molotov cocktails made out of gasoline-filled beer bottles, and tossed them at the bar owner, police said.

The incident occurred early Monday morning at Cagney's Saloon, 5983 S. University Drive, according to Davie Police Capt. Dale Engle.



Jail records indicate Christopher Colosimo, 42, was arrested shortly before 4 a.m.

Authorities say that after getting thrown out of the bar, Colosimo, of Fort Lauderdale, didn't call it a night.

"They kick him out, he gets upset, he leaves," Engle said. "He comes back with two beer bottles filled with gasoline."

Why Colosimo was ejected from Cagney's was not clear Tuesday afternoon.

After lighting the Molotov cocktails, Colosimo threw them at the owner of Cagney's Saloon, who was standing outside the bar when Colosimo returned, Engle said.

Although Colosimo's target was not injured, the sidewalk was slightly damaged, police said.

No injuries were reported among any of the patrons who were at the bar during the incident.

When police arrived, they encountered a combative and intoxicated Colosimo who kicked a dent into a police car as he was being apprehended, Engle said.

During the struggle, he also punched one of the police officers in the chest and stomach region and broke free in an attempt to escape. But he didn't get far, Engle said.

Police were able to handcuff Colosimo — who was ultimately pepper-sprayed — a short distance away. Once inside the patrol unit, Colosimo unsuccessfully tried to kick out the patrol unit's window.

He also banged his head against the protective barrier between the front and back seat of the police car, Engle said.

On Tuesday, Colosimo had a bandaged head when he went before Broward Judge Lisa Porter for a first-appearance court hearing.

Colosimo was charged with battery on a law enforcement officer, first-degree arson, criminal mischief, possessing or manufacturing a firebomb, corruption by threat against a public servant, resisting or obstructing an officer without violence and attempting to escape.

He was ultimately ordered held without bond because of a pending case for which bond was revoked. In that case, Colosimo was accused of misuse of the 911 system/false report to law enforcement.

He was also ordered to stay away from Cagney's Saloon.
 
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