Ridiculous Stories In The News

Rambo

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As opposed to making a thread for every dumbass story that comes along we can post them all in one spot. Today's stroke:

This HAS to be my favorite story in a good long while.
http://gawker.com/5993612/fight-over-woman-ends-in-death-after-man-shoves-a-foot-up-his-friends-ass
Fight Over Woman Ends in Death After Man Shoves a Foot Up His Friend’s Ass

A Russian man was arrested late last month and charged with homicide after killing his friend by shoving a foot up his ass. Literally.
According to local reports, Vladimir Krasnov, 28, of Nizhny Novgorod had decided to make good on the oft-heard threat following a drunken fight with his 48-year-old friend Sergei over Krasnov's girlfriend Yelena.
Police say Krasnov waited until his friend passed out, and then proceeded to insert his right foot "into the victim's anus and rectum."
Sergei suffered severe internal bleeding as a result, and eventually died at the scene.
Krasnov was subsequently arrested, and now faces up to 15 years behind bars.
"All I can say [is] I really regret [it]," Krasnov told officials. "Nothing like this would happen if I were sober."
His girlfriend Yelena concurred. "It's just alcohol," she told a reporter, adding that Krasnov had nothing to be jealous about.
"With [Sergei] it was just 'hello' and 'goodbye'," she said.
 

ter1413

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Rambo

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LOL @ "mastered it"...

I think this article hits a key marketing strategy to sell autonomous cars...
I've already forwarded it to Google along with a link to the forum
 

Rambo

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http://www.jewishpress.com/news/plastic-bag-airplane-passenger-a-kohen-staying-pure/2013/04/12/?src=ataglance

plastic-man-on-airplane1.jpg


An Orthodox Jewish man, wrapped in a plastic bag in his airline seat, apparently did so because he was probably a Kohen who went to extreme lengths to make sure he would not be ritually impure if the plane flew over a Jewish cemetery.
Kohenim are prohibited from coming into contact with dead bodies, and many rabbis have taken the strict opinion that a Kohen may not ride in a plane if he knows ahead of time that it will fly directly over a Jewish cemetery. Many have ruled that if does not know of the flight plan, he may ride in the airplane.
El Al once agreed to change a fight trajectory to avoid flying over a cemetery.
The man wrapped in plastic, whose photograph first appeared on the Redditor site and later on the Gothamist site, apparently did not want to take any chances. By covering himself in plastic, he established a separation between him and impurities.
However, since he arrived at his destination safe and sound, it can be assumed there was a hole in the plastic bag so he could breathe.
Some readers of Redditor suggested that “plastic man” was making sure he would not come into contact with the woman sitting behind him, but that is doubtful since it is unlikely he carried a plastic covering “just in case.”
Or maybe he simply wanted some attention.
 

Rambo

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http://www.wired.com/dangerroom/2013/04/army-zombie/

The Army figures that the zombie apocalypse has a lot to teach soldiers about being prepared for the next hurricane.
Officers at Fort Sam Houston in Texas actually brought Max Brooks, author of the latter-day classic zombie novel World War Z, to attend the U.S. Army-North’s Hurricane Rehearsal of Concept drill this week. Not that the soldiers were anticipating any zombies. From Brooks’ perspective, whether you’re confronting extreme weather that shorts out a power grid or running from a marauding horde of the undead, preparation is the key to survival.
“For the first time,” Brooks said, according to an official Army write-up, “you have young people being interested in being prepared, being ‘tricked into’ taking care of themselves, really, because even if the zombie apocalypse does not happen, they will be ready for the next hurricane or next disaster.” The Centers for Disease Control concur.
Brooks is a cult hero inside the Army. I’ve found his books on practically every forward operating base I’ve been on in Iraq and Afghanistan. No wonder: World War Z is the rare zombie novel that really gets into the tactics of confronting zombies. The Army learns at the epic Battle of Yonkers that its Cold War-era land war doctrines — luring the undead into choke points and raking them with artillery — aren’t going to work. Some of the Army’s cherished high-tech solutions are battlefield liabilities: the since-killed Land Warrior sensor system that networked soldiers together led to battlefield panic when soldiers at Yonkers saw just how many zombies they faced. And one of the themes of World War Z is that intellectual complacency and self-satisfaction from senior Army leadership is a national-security threat. No wonder soldiers love the book.
The drill Brooks joined didn’t involve any brain-eating undead, just a mock landfall of a hurricane at Gulfport, Miss., and Norfolk, Va. A mixed civilian-military team had to anticipate the storm’s severity, figure out logistics routes to get into storm-damaged areas, and plan how to assist flooded and powerless residents before turning the reins of control back over to local governments. Not exactly unlike the task in World War Z, which is to reconstitute civilization while managing the zombie problem.
Whether or not the zombies are a good natural-disaster allegory or bureaucratic lesson plan, disaster-relief agencies don’t always display a sense of urgency. New York National Guard units were about to travel out of state for a disaster drill, instead of being on-hand to help their neighbors through Hurricane Sandy last fall. Flooded New Yorkers probably wouldn’t have minded their government and military feeling like there were zombies bearing down on them.
 

Rain Man

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Fight Over Woman Ends in Death After Man Shoves a Foot Up His Friend’s Ass
I am printing this and mounting it on the door to my office. Just the other day I threatened two of my privates that I'd shove a foot up each of their asses and wear them around like shower shoes.
 

Rambo

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Jesus, that title is worth its weight in gold.
 

Rambo

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I read that last night. Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time!
 

Rambo

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"Here buddy, take this banana with dreadlocks. It'll make everything better."
 

OfficePants

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That dude got mega lucky. He was spiraling into a psychotic abyss... I mean all those TVs piled on eachother, no job, eek. Didn't pan out anyway but its a hell of a story.

Also mega lucky his timing wasn't off more.
 

Zé Ferreira

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Soccer Ref dies after being punched in face by Teenage Goalie.

SALT LAKE CITY -- Family members of a Utah soccer referee who died a week after a player punched him in the head called on athletes around the world Sunday night to hold their tempers in check so another family doesn't have to suffer.
They spoke at a candlelight vigil held on the front lawn of the Salt Lake City home of Ricardo Portillo, 46. Wearing white shirts and holding signs that read, "In loving memory of Ricky," family and friends stood around a table that had a picture of Portillo raising his arms in victory, with flowers and candles surrounding it.
Police have accused a 17-year-old player in a recreational soccer league of punching Portillo after he called a foul on him and issued him a yellow card.
Portillo died Saturday night after a week in a coma.
"He was a father, he was a friend, he was a grandfather, he left a whole family behind," said Johana Portillo, the oldest of his three daughters. "They should think before they do something stupid."
The suspect has been booked into juvenile detention on suspicion of aggravated assault. Authorities will consider additional charges since Portillo has passed away. An autopsy is planned. No cause of death was released.
Asked if she can forgive the teenager, Johana Portillo said she hopes to someday, but isn't ready yet.
She said Sunday she doesn't care what the punishment becomes since it won't bring back her father. She only hopes he can't get out and do the same thing to somebody else, she said.
"I feel sorry for him. I feel for his family," she said. "But if he was old enough to do what he did, then he's responsible to pay for it."
The unaffiliated soccer league, Liga Continental de Futbol, updated its Facebook posting Sunday with a tribute to Portillo including a number of photographs of him refereeing and playing soccer. It also set up a bank account to accept donations for his family.
Mario Vazquez, the league president who also was a friend and worked with Portillo, said Sunday everyone in the league had the greatest respect for him. He had a great sense of humor and loved refereeing, he said. The league plans to honor him with a tribute at next Saturday's games.
"Our thoughts and prayers are with the Portillo family during this difficult time. Ricardo will always be with us," he said.
Johana Portillo said she hopes her father's death leads to more security at sporting events and better self-control from players. She said her father had been attacked by players twice before in his eight years refereeing soccer matches -- even having his ribs and legs broken.
Pedro Lopez, his brother-in-law and a fellow soccer referee, called on soccer players worldwide to respect referees and remember it's a sport meant to relieve stress -- not cause pain.
"Remember that we are human beings, and we make mistakes," Lopez said in Spanish. "Don't take justice into your own hands."
The former professional soccer player said he plans to continue working as a referee. He said leaving it behind would be abandoning his passion. He said he'll do so remembering Ricardo Portillo.
Ricardo Portillo's daughters had begged him to stop refereeing in a soccer league because of the growing risk of violence from angry players. But, like Lopez, Portillo told his daughters he couldn't quit.
"It was his passion," she said. "We could not tell him no."
Now his three daughters are faced with planning his funeral after he succumbed to injuries late Saturday that had put him in a coma for a week since teenager goalie punched him in the head.
James Yapias, a longtime friend of Ricardo Portillo and youth soccer coach, said coaches and parents need to do a better job teaching children about sportsmanship and being non-violent. He also called for more police presence at games. Portillo's death is a reminder that life can change in a second.
"We all love this sport," Yapias said. "But we all need to respect the rules."
Accounts from a police report, Portillo's daughter and others offer further detail what occurred.
The teenager was playing goalie during a game at Eisenhower Junior High School in Taylorsville when Portillo issued him a yellow card for pushing an opposing forward trying to score. In soccer, a yellow card is given as a warning to a player for an egregious violation of the rules. Two yellow cards lead to a red card and expulsion from the game.
The teenager, quite a bit heavier than Portillo, began arguing with the referee, then punched him in the face. Portillo seemed fine at first, then asked to be held because he felt dizzy. He sat down and started vomiting blood, triggering his friend to call an ambulance.
When police arrived around noon, the teenager was gone and Portillo was laying on the ground in the fetal position. Through translators, Portillo told emergency workers that his face and back hurt and he felt nauseous. He had no visible injuries and remained conscious. He was considered to be in fair condition when they took him to the Intermountain Medical Center.
But when Portillo arrived to the hospital, he slipped into a coma with swelling in his brain. Johana Portillo called detectives to let them know his condition had worsened.
That's when detectives intensified their search for the goalie. By Saturday evening, the teenager's father agreed to bring him down to speak with police.
Johana Portillo said she last spoke to him that night before he fell into a coma. She grabbed his hand and told him he was going to be all right. He held her hand tightly and said, "no." Within seconds, doctors ushered her out of the room and he lost consciousness.
She said Sunday night, with tears streaming down her face, that her father will always be in her heart.
"It's going to be very difficult," she said. "But I know he's going to help us from heaven."
Hope this kid gets the max.
 

Rambo

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Betelgeuse Check out the balls on these guys:

gawker.com/disney-would-like-you-to-celebrate-disney-de-los-muert-494503529

Disney Trying to Trademark "Día De Los Muertos" (Updated)

El Día De Los Muertos may be a Mexican holiday that traces back to the Aztecs, but Disney would like to give the silent treatment to those 2,000-3,000 years of cultural tradition and co-opt the phrase for its own greedy gringo purposes: On May 1, Disney filed 10 applications for various trademarks relating to the phrase "Día De Los Muertos." And, hey, why not—the Aztecs never bothered to trademark it.
Disney, you see, would like to be legally entitled to the phrase because Pixar has something in development called "The Untitled Pixar Movie About Día de Los Muertos" from the makers of Toy Story 3. Since this is nation built on cultural theft, the Mickey Mouse Legal Department proactively imagined all the licensing and merchandizing opportunities and sponsorship deals that would accompany an animated movie about a Mexican American holiday that remembers dead people produces sugar skulls. Consequently, the corporate behemoth applied for all the standard character marks that could be associated with the branded term. (Their 10 trademark applications cover everything from backpacks to gum to mac and cheese.)
Twisted X Brewing Company applied to trademark "Cerveza de los Muertos" in 2010, back when they were called Barbed Wire Brewing Company, but were ultimately unsuccessful.
It's unlikely Disney will be granted the trademark. Then again, they are Disney and they own childhood, so you never know.
Update 11:14pm EST: Deadline Hollywood reports that Disney has issued a statement saying they plan to withdraw the copyright claim.
 

Betelgeuse

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Betelgeuse Check out the balls on these guys:

gawker.com/disney-would-like-you-to-celebrate-disney-de-los-muert-494503529
Yesterday I read something about that, but didn't read the complete article. Everyone is blaming the President... he is an idiot, but really don't know if this is really going to happen. Plus how does that movie would look like? Our Dia de Muertos is not like Halloween... in fact I think sometimes it is more creepy... cause some families go to the graveyards to clean the bones or whatever is left of their "muertitos" (the ones who are death).
 

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