Chicken Testicle Enthusiast
Vacationing President Obama Dedicates 18th-Hole Birdie To Louisiana Flood Victims
August 20, 2016
OAK BLUFFS, MA—Carrying a 47-over-par performance to the 18th tee at Farm Neck Golf Club during his vacation on the island of Martha’s Vineyard Thursday, President Obama told golfing buddy Larry David that he was determined to “get one back,” sources reported.
After utilizing his 10th and final mulligan on an errant slice, the commander-in-chief hit a solid drive down the fairway from the red tees on the 435-yard par 5, leaving approximately 275 yards left to the front of the green. Then “the best couple of 3-woods [he has] ever hit,” along with a very lucky bounce, put him in a situation the leader of the free world has not seen in quite some time: a mere eight feet away from recording a birdie.
Recognizing the magnitude of the moment, David asked for permission to hole out his five-footer in order to set the stage for Obama’s birdie attempt, which the President granted.
“This one’s for all the poor folks down in the great state of Louisiana,” Obama reportedly said to David, before addressing the ball. The lefty then flawlessly executed his trademark outside-to-inside, wrist-heavy putting stroke, sending his customized Titleist skipping smoothly—right into the center of the cup.
After a nanosecond of solemn silence to honor the worst domestic natural disaster in four years, the President celebrated his birdie by dropping his putter and thrusting both fists into the air, whooping loudly, as nearby Secret Service agents applauded.
Waving to everyone who had witnessed the magical moment, Obama called out loudly, “That was for Louisiana!”
“Ask Larry—I even said it before I putted!” he added.
John Lee Pettimore III this one seems up your alley
CEO Tim Cook Decides Apple Doesn’t Have to Pay Corporate Tax Rate Because It’s “Unfair”
WOULDN’T IT BE great if you could refuse to pay your taxes until you decided your tax rate was “fair”?
That is, of course, not the way it works. Unless you’re Apple.
Apple is currently holding $181 billion overseas, largely thanks to arbitrarily deciding that its most valuable intellectual property seems to live exclusively in low tax countries. For instance, at one time Apple’s subsidiaries in Ireland — a ...o the IRS.)
But they are not 1337 disr3pt0rz!!1Imagine if the Koch Brothers or Wal-Mart or McDonald's tried that shit. The meltdown would be epic.
By the way, is there anyone in this country (the US) who think that their tax rate is fair? I am yet to meet this person.
This happened under broad daylight and under the supervision of the AU and its army. In other words, it was actually part of the deal worked out for him to make a peaceful exit. It is a shame, but a prolonged and possibly violent transition (or, for that matter, a non-transition) would probably have cost the country much more.