Ugliest Footwear Ever

Allen Smithee

Allen Smithee

Well-Known Member
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In the history of ugly shoes, boots, sneakers, sandals, etc. what is the low water mark, the absolute most ghastly appearing thing to disgrace a male's foot?
 
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For me it has to be 70's platform footwear.
 
The FiveToes or whatever does deserve a special spot in hell.
I must cite the shoe that I think started the onslaught of tacky athletic shoes way back in the 80's.
air-jordan-1-og-2013-1.jpg

Sneakers were pretty simple and straightforward designs before this atrocity came around. Then there was little turning back. It was all about garish color and overwrought designs and other corny chicanery.
Ptooey.
 
Russell Street said:
Sneakers were pretty simple and straightforward designs before this atrocity came around. Then there was little turning back. It was all about garish color and overwrought designs and other corny chicanery.
Ptooey.
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+1 That Nike Air Jordan shit took sneakers from being cheap disposable stuff to fetishized commodities that ghetto idiots had to have. And the awful collaborations to make a special edition awful ugly variation. I must say it's a great way to keep the underclass poor, as the stupid proles actually collect these things. For real. Every rap idiot and presumably a large portion of minimum wage earners pay way to much for some sweat-shop mass-manufactured synthetic crap shoe and then stores it in the box like it's a Faberge egg or a Hummel figurine or a Beanie Baby. What a bunch of rubes.
What do sneakers even cost nowadays? I think the basic canvas things are up near $50, so the licensed and hyped pseudo-performance junk must be way up there despite costing $0.37 each to make.
 
Allen Smithee said:
+1 That Nike Air Jordan shit took sneakers from being cheap disposable stuff to fetishized commodities that ghetto idiots had to have. And the awful collaborations to make a special edition awful ugly variation. I must say it's a great way to keep the underclass poor, as the stupid proles actually collect these things. For real. Every rap idiot and presumably a large portion of minimum wage earners pay way to much for some sweat-shop mass-manufactured synthetic crap shoe and then stores it in the box like it's a Faberge egg or a Hummel figurine or a Beanie Baby. What a bunch of rubes.
What do sneakers even cost nowadays? I think the basic canvas things are up near $50, so the licensed and hyped pseudo-performance junk must be way up there despite costing $0.37 each to make.
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Of all the stupid shit people collect, and there are scads of shit stupid people collecting inane and pointless things, this has to be the most ludicrous collectible of all time. What is this world coming to? What, do these collectors go to conventions and compare their kicks with other tards? Got it, got it, need it, trade it. I'd rather trade human skeletons, at least their might be an interesting story or two about how one acquired their collection. But basketball shoes? Really? Really? How about collecting balls of ear wax instead of cheap ass, overpriced, kicks built by starving, illiterate children in the developing world?
 
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that reminds me, I have a pair of '93 Air Jordans, in box, that I need to move along. Need to get more Fiev Fingers.

(oh and yeah, I do have those but don't wear them when not training)
 
I kid you not, the local paper just had an article about a "sneakerhead" expo to be held today. I kind of wish I was able to go as a people-watching experiment. My suspicion is that only true ghetto fools (and small children, the mentally challenged) see sneakers as a status symbol or anything of enduring value.
 
Russell Street said:
I kid you not, the local paper just had an article about a "sneakerhead" expo to be held today. I kind of wish I was able to go as a people-watching experiment. My suspicion is that only true ghetto fools (and small children, the mentally challenged) see sneakers as a status symbol or anything of enduring value.
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The kind of people who would let their children go hungry if it meant being able to score a new or even used pair of these butt ugly things
 
thruth said:
The kind of people who would let their children go hungry if it meant being able to score a new or even used pair of these butt ugly things
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I bet they are all fatsos that never stopped eating long enough to be hungry. They have to keep them new in the box to keep the BBQ sauce off thir white pleather sneakers.
 
Allen Smithee said:
I bet they are all fatsos that never stopped eating long enough to be hungry. They have to keep them new in the box to keep the BBQ sauce off thir white pleather sneakers.
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Probably so. They were the people who got doctor's notes to get out of gym class because of their "glandular condition". Beyond me why they want to collect Bball shoes. They wouldn't know what a basketball was except for it's resemblance to the bolus of slop the shove down their throats at an alarming rate because of their massive genes (and massive jeans)
 
Yeah, there's a certain mysticism or misplaced symbolism about this, as well as a childish attachment to boyhood objects (1 Corinthians 13:11 bitches). They have some attachment beyond the material or aesthetic, as the shoes are obviously cheap and ugly.

But what do sneakers, particularly branded and endorsed basketball shoes, mean to the sneakerhead?
  • the idea of wealth and status for a poor uneducated schmuck that knows of nothing pricier
  • some religious attachment to their gods, the ball-bouncing athletes
  • Severely belated dream fulfillment - "I'm finally a cool eight year old with the neat sneakers mom wouldn't buy me twenty years ago!"
  • People utterly devoid of any other worth or meaning in their life latching onto anything for validation
 
Russell Street said:
Yeah, there's a certain mysticism or misplaced symbolism about this, as well as a childish attachment to boyhood objects (1 Corinthians 13:11 bitches). They have some attachment beyond the material or aesthetic, as the shoes are obviously cheap and ugly.

But what do sneakers, particularly branded and endorsed basketball shoes, mean to the sneakerhead?
  • the idea of wealth and status for a poor uneducated schmuck that knows of nothing pricier
  • some religious attachment to their gods, the ball-bouncing athletes
  • Severely belated dream fulfillment - "I'm finally a cool eight year old with the neat sneakers mom wouldn't buy me twenty years ago!"
  • People utterly devoid of any other worth or meaning in their life latching onto anything for validation
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how about the lack of deferment of gratification which is pathognomonic of the lower classes? "Why don't we save for a house, baby? Fuck that, i can get me these sweet dunks right now"
 
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acidboy said:
these are popular here for the past couple of years. I guess there are people who do not possess the self-respect chip in their brain.

sanuk%20index.jpg
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What are these shits called? I've seen otherwise normal-looking people in these island pauper espadrilles or whatever. With frayed edges and seemingly no structure. They're unfit for house slipper use, much less public display.
Are these sold at dollar stores or something? They are in the class of product so inferior that I honestly don't know where they are sold.
oh, there's a link...
 
Russell Street said:
What are these shits called? I've seen otherwise normal-looking people in these island pauper espadrilles or whatever. With frayed edges and seemingly no structure. They're unfit for house slipper use, much less public display.
Are these sold at dollar stores or something? They are in the class of product so inferior that I honestly don't know where they are sold.
oh, there's a link...
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Sanuk. Not cheap for what you get. $70 Canadian for the sidewalk surfer style above. Not sure about US retail prices.
 
thruth said:
Sanuk. Not cheap for what you get. $70 Canadian for the sidewalk surfer style above. Not sure about US retail prices.
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WTF! I was ticked a few years ago when a pair of Vans crested the $50 mark, and you're getting a real sole, laces, an arch, and a heel cup there. These are a few scraps of canvas shapelessly stitched to a hunk of rubber. The profit margin must be astronomical.
Anyway, like CRocs and Uggs, I look forward to the foot issues the wearers will surely develop in the not-so-distant future.
 
Russell Street said:
What are these shits called? I've seen otherwise normal-looking people in these island pauper espadrilles or whatever. With frayed edges and seemingly no structure. They're unfit for house slipper use, much less public display.
Are these sold at dollar stores or something? They are in the class of product so inferior that I honestly don't know where they are sold.
oh, there's a link...
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You might also be thinking of Toms shoes.
 
Russell Street said:
WTF! I was ticked a few years ago when a pair of Vans crested the $50 mark, and you're getting a real sole, laces, an arch, and a heel cup there. These are a few scraps of canvas shapelessly stitched to a hunk of rubber. The profit margin must be astronomical.
Anyway, like CRocs and Uggs, I look forward to the foot issues the wearers will surely develop in the not-so-distant future.
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Yup. A friend of mine runs an outdoor shop and these things fly off the shelf. He said the originator of sanuk began using tires & indoor/outdoor carpeting. They are the fabric analog of crocs
 
Allen Smithee said:
Does have that 90s futon vibe about it. Recycled from college dorm furniture. Generally stain free.
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Not worrying about making Sanuks from one piece of ancient dorm couch fabric allows us the quality control to cut out the problem stains. That is the difference between USA and Neopolitan craftsmanship.

Jeff Kelley
Founder
Sanuk
 
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