The Trollest Of Trolls
Wonder what that lovely Christian couple will think the first time someone gets the clapRambo, I think this is your solution (of course you are going to have to change your ways a tiny bit). It is always on satellite radio when I am driving. I'll find you an evangelical dental plan too.
You and a bunch or hardcore, old school Christians pay for each other's medical care. What could be greater than that? Use the handy, dandy share calculator to determine your costs.