Your personality style - psychology

Fwiffo

Comes off as a condescending prick
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This is disturbing...................my doctor cousin mentioned this to me 5 or more years ago.


1. Superiority and entitlement: The world of the narcissist is all about good/bad, superior/inferior, and right/wrong. There is a definite hierarchy, with the narcissist at the top—which is the only place they feel safe. Narcissists have to be the best, the most right, and the most competent; do everything their way; own everything; and control everyone.

Oh my God - that's when everyone says why I see everything so black and white and why I naturally come off as a "condescending prick".

2. Exaggerated need for attention and validation: Validation for a narcissist counts only if it comes from others. Even then, it doesn't count for much. A narcissist's need for validation is like a funnel. You pour in positive, supportive words, and they just flow out the other end and are gone. No matter how much you tell narcissists you love them, admire them, or approve of them, they never feel it's enough—because deep down they don't believe anyone can love them.

Why isn't anyone messaging me on my mobile? Why don't people thank me for all the great things I did for them? Why are they horrible ungrateful people?!

3. Perfectionism: They believe they should be perfect, you should be perfect, events should happen exactly as expected, and life should play out precisely as they envision it. This is an excruciatingly impossible demand, which results in the narcissist feeling dissatisfied and miserable much of the time.

As I told a direct report in my last job - perfection is the minimum that you need to achieve. The minimum.

4. Great need for control: Narcissists always have a storyline in mind about what each "character" in their interaction should be saying and doing. When you don't behave as expected, they become quite upset and unsettled. They don't know what to expect next because you're off-script. They demand that you say and do exactly what they have in mind so they can reach their desired conclusion. You are a character in their internal play, not a real person with your own thoughts and feelings. (This is why breaking up with a narcissist can be particularly tricky.)

It's not about telling the truth. It's about telling the version of the truth that suits the situation and person... What's so wrong with that? Nobody wants to hear something that hurts them. And a version of the truth that both parties want to hear and get to is the best thing.

5. Lack of responsibility: Sometimes that blame is generalized—everyone's out to get them. Most often, however, the narcissist blames the one person who is the most emotionally close, most attached, loyal, and loving in their life. The victims of their narcissistic abuse are the safest people to blame because they are least likely to leave or reject them.

It's true. I tend to hurt people closest to me. Everyone is out to get me. Even at work it's always my team versus everyone else. It's a war and never ending siege.

6. Lack of boundaries: They believe that everything belongs to them, everyone thinks and feels the same as they do, and everyone wants the same things they do. They are shocked and highly insulted to be told no. If a narcissist wants something from you, they'll go to great lengths to figure out how to get it through persistence, cajoling, demanding, rejecting, or pouting.

How could you do this to me!? Of all people...why?

7. Lack of empathy: In a nutshell, narcissists always think you cause their feelings—especially the negative ones.. They conclude that because you didn't follow their plan or because you made them feel vulnerable, you are to blame. This lack of empathy makes true emotional connection and relationships with narcissists difficult or impossible, where you're dating one or were raised by a narcissist. They just don't notice what anyone else is feeling.

Being selfish isn't a crime. As my first HR person said to me, you are the best person to look out for yourself. This then evolved into you are the only person to look at for yourself. Not your kids. Not your spouse. Not your parents. Not God. Not the government. Only you. No one gives a sh*t about you except you.

8. Perceiving everything as a threat: This is why narcissists often misinterpret sarcasm as actual agreement or joking from others as a personal attack. The lack of ability to correctly read body language, a common narcissist trait, is one reason narcissists are deficiently empathetic to your feelings.

Although people tell me I'm sarcastic, I take everyone on literal face value. I'm horrific at taking jokes because everything I do I take personally and I'll remember about it for days on end.

9. Emotional reasoning: They simply must have that red sports car, based entirely on how they feel driving it, not by whether it is a good choice to make for the family or for the budget. If they're bored or depressed, they want to move or end the relationship or start a new business. They always look to something or someone outside themselves to solve their feelings and needs.

Life is about momentum. What's happiness? It's the point before you want more happiness.

10. Splitting: Bob was blamed for 20 years because he wasn't there when his wife had their first child even though he was stranded in Chicago in a snowstorm. Alice's husband dismissed her concerns about the $30,000 cost for the new landscaping because he loved it. Narcissists aren't able to see, feel, or remember both the positive and the negative in a situation. They can deal with only one perspective at a time—theirs.

That bloke who was late and caused me to miss my flight will forever be characterized as that bloke who is late and causes people to miss flights...forever.

11. Fear of rejection and ridicule: They're constantly afraid of being ridiculed, rejected, or wrong. They may have fears about germs, about losing all their money, about being emotionally or physically attacked, about being seen as bad or inadequate, or about being abandoned. This makes it difficult and sometimes impossible for the narcissist to trust anyone else. In fact, the closer your relationship becomes, the less they will trust you.

Maybe that's why I don't have long term relationships. It's always about the money. Or you're not chief God officer of the world.

12. Anxiety: Some narcissists show their anxiety by talking constantly about the doom that is about to happen, while some hide and repress their anxiety. But most narcissists project their anxiety onto their closest loved ones, accusing them of being negative, unsupportive, mentally ill, not putting them first, not responding to their needs, or being selfish.

Whew - I'm not this. An old boss of mine said I'm not half glass empty...I'm quarter glass empty.

13. Deeply repressed shame: The narcissist is acutely ashamed of all these rejected thoughts and feelings. Keeping their vulnerabilities hidden is essential to the narcissist's pretend self-esteem or false self.

Maybe that's why I started dressing better...Maybe that's why I needed to fix my hair. Maybe that's why I wanted jaw surgery.

14. An inability to be truly vulnerable: They cannot look at the world from anyone else's perspective. This makes them emotionally needy. When one relationship is no longer satisfying, they often overlap relationships or start a new one as soon as possible.

This is how other people see me - that I have a "harem". I'm a good person!

15. An inability to communicate or work as part of a team: Thoughtful, cooperative behaviors require a real understanding of each other's feelings. How will the other person feel? Will this action make both of us happy? How will this affect our relationship? These are questions that narcissists don't have the capacity or the motivation to think about.

I'm always end up as a lone wolf or even in a team where we have to go up and take a hill from the enemy I look back half way going up the hill and realise all my colleagues are still at the bottom of the hill or haven't even departed from base. What the hell? We said we needed to take the hill no matter the cost. Have some urgency.
 

Fwiffo

Comes off as a condescending prick
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Demented. That sounds worse than my self diagnosis.
 

Fwiffo

Comes off as a condescending prick
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15,171
Black and white thinking is the tendency to think in extremes: I am a brilliant success, or I am an utter failure. My boyfriend is an angel, or He’s the devil incarnate.

This thought pattern, which the American Psychological Association also calls dichotomous or polarized thinking, is considered a cognitive distortion because it keeps us from seeing the world as it often is: complex, nuanced, and full of all the shades in between.

An all-or-nothing mindset doesn’t allow us to find the middle ground. And let’s face it: There’s a reason most people don’t live on Everest or in the Mariana Trench. It’s hard to sustain life at those extremes.

Most of us engage in dichotomous thinking from time to time. In fact, some experts think this pattern may have its origins in human survival — our fight or flight response.

Is black and white thinking a symptom of other conditions?​

Some black and white thinking is normal, but persistent dichotomous thought patterns are associated with a number of conditions.

Narcissism (NPD)​

NPD is a condition that causes:

  • an exaggerated sense of self-importance
  • a deep need for attention
  • a profound lack of empathy for others
Black and white thinking is one of the symptoms of this personality disorder.

ResearchersTrusted Source have found that the tendency toward dichotomous thinking makes it much harder for people with NPD to get the help they need because they may devalue and discard therapists too quickly.


.............................I'm not sure how some random person in my life can tell me how I can live my life better. That's not a statement. It's a fact.
 

Dropbear

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My kids are really getting into the whole Meyers-Briggs thing - albeit using the free online tests. It actually sparked some good family dinner time discussion about the different between shyness and introversion. It took a long time for me to convince my kids I’m a total introvert, because I can appear loud, sociable and confident. One kid is an I and one is an E, but they are both a little shy around new people.

The 16 Personality Types MBT knock-off adds a fifth continuum: Identify (ranges from assertive to turbulent).

Depending on the day and the test, I’m either an INFJ or INFP.
 
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