Odd Things Seen Daily By Me

[Fwiffo]

People trimming or filing their nails in public. Sitting in a boardroom. Standing on a train platform. Sitting in the train.

How constrained is your time (or how mismanaged) that you need to do this in public?

 

[Fwiffo]

People looking another way whilst walking one way. In an urban environment that's begging for trouble.

 

[LelandJ]

People looking another way whilst walking one way. In an urban environment that's begging for trouble.

Proper term is phone zombies.

 

[Thruth]

Was going into the bank today and came up on an older gentleman from the subcontinent who was here on a super visa to visit his family. Only here for a few days.

He held open the door and said "please sir, you first, have a prosperous long life". I reciprocated on the inner door and he was chuffed. We stood across from each other in different lines and he invites me closer with a crooked finger. I lean in.

"I'm Indian you know. Not Pakistani". He spat derision when he said "Pakistani"

I said "Yes Sab, you are a Sikh."

"You know this?"

"Yes, Sab. Your turban kind of gives you away."

"Why do you call me Sab?"

"You know why. Isn't a term of respect?"

"Yes. An Indian title of respect. I am Indian not Pakistani."

"Yes Sab. You are from Punjab are you not?"

"Why do you know this?"

"Everybody knows that here why are you surprised?"

"Many people do not know this."

"Here?"

"I was in Florida for 3 years when my son was studying there. Everyone thinks I am from Pakistan and called me a Paki."

"You are not in Florida anymore, Sab."

"Have a long and prosperous life"

 

[Fwiffo]

Is that sahib?

 

[Thruth]

Is that sahib?

Many variations of the word dear Fwiffo.

 

[Fwiffo]

Many variations of the word dear Fwiffo.

I'm not down with the brown lingo.

 

[Scherensammler]

I'm not down with the brown lingo.

No chance at all with Priyanka then. Or have you given up your obsession with her in the meantime?

 

[Thruth]

I'm not down with the brown lingo.

you should be given your fascination with turkey wattle Priyanka.

 

[Fwiffo]

No chance at all with Priyanka then. Or have you given up your obsession with her in the meantime?

No. But then she's engaged to some idiot yank.

you should be given your fascination with turkey wattle Priyanka.

Fascination? Should I name other women I think are attractive?

 

[Scherensammler]

Fascination? Should I name other women I think are attractive?

Yes, please. But only if they have nice necks...

 

[Thruth]

No. But then she's engaged to some idiot yank.



Fascination? Should I name other women I think are attractive?

Probably not. All we will get is Persians with messed up necks or club feet. Toothless Rumanians?

 

[Fwiffo]

Probably not. All we will get is Persians with messed up necks or club feet. Toothless Rumanians?

Who said I liked Romanians?

 

[Fwiffo]

Women walking their dog in the morning with a puffy winter coat whilst wearing flip flops.

 

[Fwiffo]

Last night I was sitting at a bar and this couple come in next to me. They order a round of cocktails and then head for Crowne on the rocks. The man orders wings with a side of coleslaw. The woman orders a chicken burger without a bun and some side substitution that had guacamole. When the supervisor stops by to clear their dishes he complains the coleslaw wasn't what he expected. That got taken off the bill. After they get the cheque, she complains to the bartender (not the supervisor) her guacamole was bad and the chicken burger gets taken off the cheque. Essentially they ate for free and paid for the drinks. Who spends the time to dodge what must be at most a $60 cheque ?

 

[The Shooman]

I saw a bloke who was dressed like a dog with a tail and a dog'd head with his face peering through. When l called him over he grimaced and made a noise like Frank Spencer and took off. He wasn't joking either, he was for real.

 

[Fwiffo]

It's 0c and unusually cold for autumn. My new workplace has a casual dress code and people still walk in with short sleeved t-shirts. I know the miracles of modern climate control mean you aren't freezing or sweltering but there is at some point the need to wear weather appropriate clothing yeah?

 

[fxh]

I never will understand grown people wearing T shirts as outerwear to anywhere other than to the beach, gardening, building sites or a rock gig.

 

[Pimpernel Smith]

It's 0c and unusually cold for autumn. My new workplace has a casual dress code and people still walk in with short sleeved t-shirts. I know the miracles of modern climate control mean you aren't freezing or sweltering but there is at some point the need to wear weather appropriate clothing yeah?

The freaks around here were still not putting their air conditioning when it was 35C. If you let people, many will keep the temperature piled hight. I think it's something to do with wanting to back in the womb.

 

[Fwiffo]

If you let people, many will keep the temperature piled hight. I think it's something to do with wanting to back in the womb.

A couple more insights like that and you have a thesis paper.

 

[Fwiffo]

Wardrobe selection at small local TV newscasts. This black woman's jacket is so tight when buttoned the creases and her chest size make it look like she's about to burst. Meanwhile the shorter man next to her is in a striped three piece that is at least a size or two bigger than him so he looks like a diminutive armoured Sancho Paza sidekick.

 

[Fwiffo]

Uber drivers.

One Uber driver clearly had near sighted issues. He could barely see me waving with my mobile on a suburban housing division road. Telling him I needed to go to the building tagged 4295 was useless because he can't see that far.

One female Uber driver came to pick me up shortly after New Years Day but her car smelt like someone threw up in it.

One Uber driver recorded his own voice and plays it when you enter his car and the journey starts. "Please help yourself to any mints, sweets or the Game Boy."

One Uber driver confessed his English wasn't so good but that obviously can't excuse him from turning into oncoming traffic on a one way road.

One Uber driver who drove 40km/h during blowing snow whilst everyone travelled at speed limit to the left and right of him.

 

[Fwiffo]

Walking into a washroom whilst on a telephone call and taking a piss next to a flushing urinal. What does the person on the other end think?

 

[Fwiffo]

I have concluded that most Italians and half of the Germans in this office smoke.

 

[Fwiffo]

Saturday morning. Young women with yoga or gym attire making their way through the city...with fake eyelashes. You can't leave home without them.

 

[fxh]

I have concluded that most Italians and half of the Germans in this office smoke.

Through EU and UK I was shocked at the amount of smokers.

 

[Pimpernel Smith]

Through EU and UK I was shocked at the amount of smokers.

There's a lot less smokers in the UK than there was back in the 80s. Back then the UK was the lung and heart disease capital of the world. And as men decided to ditch smoking young women were taking it up in droves. I don't really see many smokers on my travels, the one exception is is Germany where they still like a bit of chain smoking.

 

[Fwiffo]

People coming late to performances. Today I was at La Boheme and these people completely missed the first quarter including Rodolfo's Che Gelida Marina and Mimi's Mi Chiamano Mimi.

If you knew anything about the opera who misses the signature arias of the entire performance?

 

[Kingstonian]

I never will understand grown people wearing T shirts as outerwear to anywhere other than to the beach, gardening, building sites or a rock gig.

I have another funeral in a few days. The suggestion is that mourners wear a T-shirt with a music or beer related theme! Whatever happened to gravitas? I have explained I only wear T shirts on the beach. I dread to think what hymns ( songs more likely) will get played on the day.

 

[fxh]

I have another funeral in a few days. The suggestion is that mourners wear a T-shirt with a music or beer related theme! Whatever happened to gravitas? I have explained I only wear T shirts on the beach. I dread to think what hymns ( songs more likely) will get played on the day.

A few years back a friend of mine died. A fair few men turned up in shorts and bright Hawaiian shirts. Their excuse was, always is, to celebrate life. In their defence he would have been fine with that and it was a stinking hot day over 40C. I turned up in suit and tie. He would have turned up in a linen suit and tie if it wasn’t his show.

It was a bit of a shock. The week before I went to a big party, bands etc in back yard, 200 kms up country. I hadn’t seen him for a year. I stood with him and chatted and had beer and a joint or two most of the night. He’d been crook, but still smoking. He looked well enough. We said good bye at about 1am when he went home. He was taken to hospital @ 8am the next morning. In coma for 4 days. The family agreed to pull the plug on the 4th day.

 

[Fwiffo]

The children cleaning my office floor get younger as the months go by. Now I see two of them vacuuming whilst the adult whom I assume is shift lead found our spare office and makes what I assume are long distance calls on the phone.

 

[Dropbear]

Has the power of time travel, still in a wheelchair.

 

[Pimpernel Smith]

Was at a garden party last Saturday and for the first time ever, I've witnessed one of the godparents pissed. He was getting his sentences muddled, remembering one of my kids names and forgetting the other, then he would continue remembering the other name but forgetting the name he had just uttered. Then he said he didn't want to have sex with my wife several times until his missus took him home. She was not amused.

 

[Dropbear]

Choosing Godparents is serious stuff. I insisted an old wartime mate be my kids’ Godfather and my wife wasn’t thrilled. We see each other maybe once every five years. He spends most of his time traveling the world for aid agencies on a mediocre salary. But I would trust him with our lives . My wife went for more ‘sensible’ choices, bonding financially secure family members to the kids in order to provide for them. They already have a substantial university savings fund thanks to them.

 

[Fwiffo]

Was at a garden party last Saturday and for the first time ever, I've witnessed one of the godparents pissed. He was getting his sentences muddled, remembering one of my kids names and forgetting the other, then he would continue remembering the other name but forgetting the name he had just uttered. Then he said he didn't want to have sex with my wife several times until his missus took him home. She was not amused.

Your wife wasn't amused or his wife wasn't amused?

 

[fxh]

Didn’t want to have sex with your wife several times? Just once?

 

[Pimpernel Smith]

Choosing Godparents is serious stuff. I insisted an old wartime mate be my kids’ Godfather and my wife wasn’t thrilled. We see each other maybe once every five years. He spends most of his time traveling the world for aid agencies on a mediocre salary. But I would trust him with our lives . My wife went for more ‘sensible’ choices, bonding financially secure family members to the kids in order to provide for them. They already have a substantial university savings fund thanks to them.

It's more of a symbolic thing here in Europe and the UK. I think that's on account of the lack of disposible income due to progressive tax regimes. Even the rich don't have any money over here.

Your wife wasn't amused or his wife wasn't amused?

His wife.

Didn’t want to have sex with your wife several times? Just once?

It was a Freudian slip repeated several times. I've always considered him a bit of a busy body, wanting to get involved in things and giving advice, He's never really taken to me, nor has his missus. Whenever I see them they always greet me with a twisted sour face. Such is life.

 

[Dropbear]

For those social situations where it would be too great an escalation to start throwing fists, or if you generally wish to non-verbally convey a GTFO vibe, it’s worth perfecting your death stare.

I perfected mine in my late thirties, to the point that I can scare people without saying a word.

Unfortunately, I’m now told that my resting face is also scary or angry looking. I got some passport photos taken a few weeks ago at the local pharmacy and was pleasantly surprised - still have hair, wrinkles didn’t look too bad, etc. when I showed it to a few people in the office the response was something like ‘too bad you aren’t allowed to smile, you look so mean and angry’.

 

[Pimpernel Smith]

For those social situations where it would be too great an escalation to start throwing fists, or if you generally wish to non-verbally convey a GTFO vibe, it’s worth perfecting your death stare.

I perfected mine in my late thirties, to the point that I can scare people without saying a word.

Unfortunately, I’m now told that my resting face is also scary or angry looking. I got some passport photos taken a few weeks ago at the local pharmacy and was pleasantly surprised - still have hair, wrinkles didn’t look too bad, etc. when I showed it to a few people in the office the response was something like ‘too bad you aren’t allowed to smile, you look so mean and angry’.

I have a very friendly face, so little chance of my death stare putting the frighteners on anybody.

 

[Fwiffo]

For those social situations where it would be too great an escalation to start throwing fists, or if you generally wish to non-verbally convey a GTFO vibe, it’s worth perfecting your death stare.

I perfected mine in my late thirties, to the point that I can scare people without saying a word.

Unfortunately, I’m now told that my resting face is also scary or angry looking. I got some passport photos taken a few weeks ago at the local pharmacy and was pleasantly surprised - still have hair, wrinkles didn’t look too bad, etc. when I showed it to a few people in the office the response was something like ‘too bad you aren’t allowed to smile, you look so mean and angry’.

It would have been a bit detrimental to your military stint if your lips naturally curled up and you exuded a natural sunny happy disposition.